


The Love for words that lead to War

by LillyOfFire (GarGoyl)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: All of them are, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Fanfiction, Feli is a troll, Foul Language, Francis is caught in crossfire, Humor, Ivan sticks his nose into it, Ludwig likes rules, M/M, Trolling, and let's hope nothing else, flaming, hardcore trolling, heavy cursing, seriously foul language, so are Kiku and Lizzy, this is a trollfic with capital T
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-21 00:06:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14904734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GarGoyl/pseuds/LillyOfFire
Summary: Aside from math and football, straight A student Ludwig Beilschmidt also has a secret passion for fanfiction. He reads, reviews and sometimes writes and finds everything quite enjoyable, until he finds himself lured into a hardcore trolling war with three of his classmates. And things get even better when said war goes beyond the virtual realm. Eventual GerIta. Rated for language mostly, although it might go up if things escalate ;)





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Note: I know this might be a sensitive subject, but this is not aimed at anyone, everything is solely for plot purposes. Also, the pennames were entirely made up to fit the characters, so if I accidentally ‘got’ one of yours, let me know and I will alter them right away. Have fun ;)

* * *

 

From his seat in the front rows, Ludwig scowled openly at the Universal Literature teacher, Mr. Edelstein. Truth be told, the man’s intentions had been nothing but pure when encouraging his students to discover the pleasures of creative writing and he obviously couldn’t possibly predict to what extent this whole thing would degenerate. And he wasn’t even aware of it either.

A few months before, Ludwig had decided to follow the advice himself and so he had discovered what was, apparently, a very popular fanfiction site. They even had a section for his favorite anime – _StreetLampFairyTale_ , and so he’d begun reading and leaving reviews at first, then trying his own hand at a couple of short stories. They had been well received too, so his interest in it grew steadily. He’d also been encouraged by the discovery that other two top students in his literature class had the same passion, namely Elizaveta Hedervary and Kiku Honda.

Ludwig had sat behind the two on a couple of occasions, in different classes, and so he’d secretly discovered they were active on the same fanfiction site as he and they had a joint account where they co-authored stories under the penname **ninjafryingpangirl**. Of course, it had never crossed his mind to ever approach such a sensitive and… personal subject with the two of them (because it _was_ a personal subject, Ludwig writing romance fanfiction was not something to be _ever_ disclosed, to _anyone_ alive!) and he’d never read any of their fics either, since they had only written for fandoms he was unfamiliar with.

So things were great until three days before, when something terrible had happened and now his little world of dreaming, creativity and word magic was irremediably tainted.

A new author had popped up in his fandom and had posted a chapter of absolute infamy. The ‘story’ - if it could be called that – was indescribable in its atrocity against his favorite characters, who had become the subject of 7000+ words of something so very explicit that Ludwig had to mostly skim through it, cheeks ablaze with indignation (and not only). He had seethed silently in front of his laptop for a good half an hour afterwards, before realizing it could all be fixed and sighing in relief.

The damn piece of garbage was in blatant breach of the site’s posting rules, which meant it could be reported! Ludwig was also active on a forum for the fandom and if enough people there were to support him in this endeavor, they could send an email to the admins reporting it together. And since his anger had cooled off a little bit, he decided to leave an anonymous but very polite warning to the author ( **caramel_mafioso** , what kind of stupid penname was that, anyway!):  

**Anon** _\- Fiction MA is not allowed on this site. The Fiction M rating is for the implied or a short non-descriptive moment between the characters. Graphic descriptions for foreplay, masturbation, oral, and penetration/thrusting falls under the MA rating which isn't allowed here (as stated in bright red in the Rules & Regulations section.) There are other sites to post explicit content on if you find the rules here unfavorable._

Civil enough, right? Only the following night, instead of finding the offending story deleted, he saw with absolute dread that it had been updated with a new chapter! Not only that, but at the end of it **caramel_mafioso** had left the following author notes:

 _“Ohhh, thank you guys so much for the support, I really didn’t think I’d get so many reviews, follows and favorites from the first chap!_ (to his horror, only now Ludwig saw how many people had actually given _positive_ feedback to this unsavory character!) _To anon reviewer: if you want anyone to take you seriously, get an account and log in next time, you nine-year old troll.”_

Ludwig had been so mortified by this brutal reply – which had felt like a slap in the face – that until now he’d been unable to react to it at all. Homework pilling up had also prevented him for getting on the forum and bringing up the problem, but now as the Austrian teacher kept explaining something in his emphatic manner which the blond suddenly found extremely irritating, he made a drastic decision.

Whipping out his phone, he went straight to the review page of the blasted ‘story’ and left the following anon comment on the latest update:

**Anon** _\- You have a lot of nerve insulting commenters who give you a heads up about the rules simply because they gave you warnings to the rules that YOU AGREED TO before posting! As if you know them personally!? It sounds more like YOU are a child throwing a tantrum because someone told you you can't do something! Not only does this make you look childish and hypocritical, I also get the feeling you want pity reviews in order to further increase your review count, which you don’t deserve anyway! How dare you treat people so awfully just because you didn't like something some individuals do, or have said. Especially if you don't know them! Also, I strongly advise you to take down this awful crap you’ve been shamelessly shoving in everyone’s face or I WILL have it reported!_

Cooled off somewhat, he pressed the _Send_ button and tossed his phone on the desk, sighing. At least he’d given it straight to the little bastard (although it was probably a girl, it was usually girls writing this sort of sordid crap). Some ten minutes passed in peace, during which the blond began to diligently take notes, after which a loud gasp came from somewhere in the back of the classroom.

“ _FUCK!_ Someone trolled my fi-” a shocked voice exclaimed, the outburst quickly muffled. Then someone else laughed and said ‘Serves you right, idiot!’.

Ludwig turned his head abruptly, plagued by a sudden horrible suspicion, but saw nothing but straight faces until finally being met with Ivan Braginski’s slightly disturbing smile directed straight at him and there it stopped, because he couldn’t see past Ivan’s solid frame further back. He resumed his position with a scowl and a shudder creeping down his spine. What the fuck?! It wasn’t Ivan, was it?! No way, the penname didn’t match Ivan and he could hardly imagine the Russian being up to such a shit. Still, he’d heard what he’d heard and unless this was some crazy coincidence (and Ludwig didn’t believe in coincidences) that bastard was also one of his classmates.

* * *

 

Still, the day passed without him finding out who the person was and the next morning threw an even more appalling surprise his way. **caramel_mafioso** had not dared to update again, but there was a new story in his fandom by none other than **ninjafryingpangirl** and the innocent, unsuspecting Ludwig had decided to give it a try in good faith, with some excitement even, considering he actually knew the authors. And he’d always thought Lizzy and Kiku were both perfectly nice, polite and _decent_ people, but he was sorely proven otherwise upon being confronted with their virtual creation. The sheer amount of… graphic obscenity he was met with over no less than five pages in one shot made his hair stand on end. 

And this atrocity too had also gathered a record amount of comments, some stupid user going as far as to point out that it was about time someone had finally brought some real spice to this fandom. He further went on to discover that **ninjafryingpangirl** and **caramel_mafioso** had left each other long and highly praising reviews, mentioning ‘vivid description of feelings’, ‘realistic narrative flow’, ‘richness of attributes’, ‘a great attention to details’ and other such things that made Ludwig want to throw his laptop out the window. How dared they, the shameless bastards?! Anyway, both their stories were noncompliant _af_ , so he wasn’t going to let this slide a minute longer!

After quickly copy-pasting the initial warning he’d given the other culprit on Liz and Kiku’s review page as well, he went on the fandom’s forum and, with a mixture of further indignation and secret satisfaction, discovered that both **ninjafryingpangirl** and **caramel_mafioso** were active there too - they’d each left a few innocent introductory lines which misleadingly betrayed nothing of their actual foulness.

Gritting his teeth, the German typed the following post:

 **silver_eagle:** _Fellow authors and readers, please bear in mind that this site doesn’t allow the posting of MA rated stories! Frankly it saddens and upsets me to see that our fandom has been invaded by this kind of work, so please refrain from posting or encouraging such material! If we don’t stick to the rules, then we have no respect for this fandom and for this site!_

Unknowingly, he’d made a fatal mistake because in the course of the next six hours all Hell broke loose.

The three stories he’d posted so far were riddled with anonymous flames, throwing appalling insults at both his work and his person. But the worst thing by far was the review he got from the infamous **caramel_mafioso** themselves on his latest update.

 **caramel_mafioso:** _I’ll give you this – you’ve got a good plot going and I didn’t see any contradictions or loose ends so far. Also, there are enough descriptions, the characters are well built and their interaction is realistic and natural enough for most of the time. BUT. You have so more work to do when it comes to writing romantic scenes, the characters must show actual emotion worth putting into words and less…_ stiffness _if I may say so. Actually, I advise you to avoid writing experiences you’ve never had, the result can’t possibly be too good. I hope this is helpful._

THE FUCKER! Okay, so partially this kind of… maybe… made sense and this person wasn’t a complete idiot or an illiterate, Ludwig would give them that, but this didn’t make them less of a fucking shameless incubus! And the comment hurt like hell.

After spending some good fifteen minutes just staring at the comment with narrowed eyes and boiling in silence, the blond cracked his knuckles and retaliated on the forum.

 **silver_eagle:** _I see that some authors on this forum_ _purposely continue to disregard the friendly warnings made to them and update their stories despite being in flagrant breach of regulations. I’m looking at you,_ **@ninjafryingpangirl** and **@caramel_mafioso**!

**_To be continued_ **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Note:** Love you guys so much and thank you for supporting a lil troll like me! *gives big hugs and blows kisses*

* * *

 

For the next two days Ludwig decided to turn off the notifications on his email and not open his inbox at all. Maybe things were going to cool down if he took a step back and stopped fueling the conflict. The blond decided to instead concentrate even more on studying for the time being.

But life being what it is, especially if you have some bad karma on your tab, Ludwig’s next history class was moved to a large amphitheater where the ever-grumpy Mr. Oxenstierna had proceeded to divide his students into random groups of three, so as to avoid the continuous thwarting of his lessons by individual conversations.  Thus, the German found a tag with his name assigned to a middle seat in a desk towards the back (and he never sat in the back, damn it!).

To his utter displeasure, the seat to his left was occupied by none other than Kiku Honda, whom he could no longer, in the light of the recent developments, look in the eye. And to think how shy and innocent he looked, the smooth bastard! The seat to his right had been assigned to Feliciano Vargas, a petite, scatter-brained Italian who stumbled in just a split-second before the beginning of class and spilled half the contents of his bag on the floor before finally settling in and taking out his books.

Shit, Ludwig hoped with all his heart he wouldn’t be given any group projects with these two. Kiku may have been competent, but right now he was an eyesore and Vargas – while not being an eyesore, quite on the contrary – was a known slacker and therefore disastrous project-wise from every other point of view. Damn both of them, he thought as the Japanese shrunk in his seat away from him (as if _Ludwig_ was the bad guy here…) and Feliciano put his knees up indifferently, beginning to scroll on his phone.

Most of the class passed in relative peace, the German focusing on taking notes hunched over his binder even if a vague bad vibe persisted around him, punctuated by the soft vibrations of the other two’s phone notifications. What the hell were they doing anyway? With the corner of his eye he saw stolen glances behind his back and when the Italian let out a small chuckle, grinning widely at his screen, Ludwig finally snapped.

“Would you cut that out with the buzzing already?! You don’t need your damn phones to talk to each other around me, considering you’re not doing anything useful anyway!”

Startled, Kiku dropped his phone under the desk. “ _G-Gomen'nasai_ …” he muttered, embarrassed, quickly ducking to pick up the device, which had landed with the screen upwards. He wasn’t fast enough though and the blond got to see what the other was up to. And what do you know, he was on that blasted site again, writing a private message to someone.

And then it hit him.

_Caramel_mafioso…_

Slowly, he turned his head towards Feliciano, who had resumed his previous activity with a pout and gave him a thoughtful once-over. If this didn’t make perfect sense, he didn’t know what did. A wave of contradicting emotions washed over him at the realization – so the _cute, delicious_ little Feliciano Vargas, who also looked _so fucking innocent_  too, had a different, very dark side Ludwig had had the pleasure of meeting firsthand (and facefirst too!). THE DIRTY LITTLE FUCKER! A strange sort of excitement spiked his indignation this time, and the thoughts of revenge instantly flooding his mind made his blood run faster, akin to arousal.

Ohhh, he was _so_ going to war!

* * *

 

As soon as he was back home, Ludwig opened his inbox and lo and behold, the bastards had taken out the heavy artillery on the forum.

 **ninjafryingpangirl: @silver_eagle** _You need to pull that stick out of your ass and_ _get laid, you fucking troll!_

 **caramel_mafioso: @silver_eagle** _(_ _I subscribe to above) a good, hardcore pounding XDDDDD_

On top of that, **caramel_mafioso** had updated his abomination of a fic yet again and this time the German went through it, word by word, until he couldn’t think straight anymore. Granted, since there were easily almost seven pages of gay porn, not to mention a lot of ‘actual emotion worth putting into words’ and no one was even remotely _stiff_ , except for the right places… Okay, his fingers itched and he absolutely needed to pay Feliciano back for his fucking roast:

 **Anon**   _– I saw you kindly advising others to avoid writing experiences they’ve never had… that’s very interesting (not to say striking), considering the_ _contents of your fic. Does that mean you’re a professional prostitute? Is this some veiled, ‘best of’ autobiography of yours?  Is that why you continue to break the rules, in pursuit for an absolute authenticity we simply cannot be spared of?_

So this was harsh _af_ but not undeserved, mind you, and all the more so since Feliciano had been his secret crush for almost a year now and his true character had so crudely disappointed him! The fucking little hypocrite, as if he’d done any of those things! No, the Italian just had a very, very dirty mind and now he’d sullied Ludwig’s mind too, damn it!

As for the ‘good, hardcore pounding’, that had to wait for the perfect moment, because the German planned to see their actual faces when he delivered it right back to them.

* * *

 

And the perfect moment came, obviously, at the next history class, when Ludwig found himself surrounded once more by his enemies. Outnumbered but not outgunned, he thought, barely holding back a smirk as Kiku sat next to him and he spotted Elizaveta nearby too, chatting animatedly with another girl. Feli was late again and this time nearly tripped and fell flat on his face, and he looked so much like a helpless little bunny that the blond’s heart was almost softened.

_Almost._

Having again muted the notifications on his phone, he discreetly hid it in the pages of his book, where it would not be visible, and went straight to the forum. Unfortunately, he should have checked it sooner, because another slap in the face - fresh from the oven - awaited him there and instantly made his blood boil.

 **caramel_mafioso: @silver_eagle** _*sigh* Why the hell are you doing this, Captain Obvious? Do you think you’ll lose your precious virginity if you log in when leaving a review? Also, yes, I’m all about authenticity and my profession is none of your business, you underage little spring blossom_

Underage?! Feliciano was fucking seventeen himself! _FUCK YOU, DAMN MACARONI BASTARD!!!_ Ludwig screamed internally, unable to stop the violent flushing of his cheeks and his hands helplessly clenching into fists at his sides. He was suffocating. _No, no, Ludwig, hold it together, hold it in a bit longer!_

The blond took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down and leaning back in his seat. He allowed Mr. Oxenstierna to begin his monotonous and barely intelligible droning before he dropped the bomb. Hunching slightly over his book, his fingers moved with deadly precision.

 **silver_eagle: @ninjafryingpangirl** _Shame on you! You should be ashamed of yourselves, the both of you! That’s right, I know there’s two of you and I even know who you are, da. Frankly I thought better of you, but… Seriously, shame on you guys! And take down all that filth or it gets reported, I mean it!_

 **silver_eagle: @caramel_mafioso** _I know who you are too, mister. And I’ll give YOU that pounding, nice and hard like you like it, da_

Then he waited.

The first one to react was Elizaveta, who interrupted her lively chat with the other girl to check her phone as soon as she got the notification. A few seconds later that happy smile slipped off her face, replaced by utter shock, and her perfectly manicured hand flew to her mouth. She started fidgeting, then turned towards Kiku, hissing his name. The Japanese was busy taking notes and was slow to reach his phone, but when he did… it was worth it. His shoulders stiffened instantly and he let out a shaky breath. Barely managing to keep a straight face now and not smile victoriously, Ludwig pretended not to feel the slender arm reaching behind his back to poke Feliciano.

The Italian picked his phone discreetly, he scowled for a split second then sighed dramatically. He typed something back, smiling.

Doubt creeping in, ten minutes later (as to not raise any suspicions) Ludwig went back to the forum, holding his breath.

 **ninjafryingpangirl: @silver_eagle** _You don’t know shit, you presumptuous little fucker. It says on our profile that there’s two of us, anyone can read that. SO EAT A DICK!_

It must have been Elizaveta, because he hadn’t seen Kiku writing anything. He gritted his teeth – failure, damn it!

 **little_snowflake42: @silver_eagle** _Impersonate me again and you’ll walk funny for a month_

 **little_snowflake42: @ninjafryingpangirl, @caramel_mafioso** _Children, stop talking about dicks and fucking and other things you’re unfamiliar with. If any of you was getting any, you wouldn’t be here_

Feliciano sighed again.

 **caramel_mafioso: @little_snowflake42** _You’re here too…So what does that mean, I wonder?_

 **caramel_mafioso: @silver_eagle** _Are you flirting with me now? Fuck you right back, you little punk._

Ludwig stared, a fist pressed tightly over his mouth. He fiddled with his pen, but his eyes were glued to the screen cleverly masked by the pages of his book. No way! No way Feli was going after Ivan… The cheeky little fucker!

 **little_snowflake42: @caramel_mafioso** _Be very careful, little one, or else after I finish you will be crying inconsolably and your knees will hurt_

The Italian’s smile disappeared and he sunk in his seat, clearing his throat awkwardly. Ivan had given it to him straight. Not that he hadn’t given it to Ludwig too… okay _that_ had been a bad idea.

 **silver_eagle: @caramel_mafioso** _You had it coming, baby ;) Are you blushing now?_

 **ninjafryingpangirl: @little_snowflake42, @silver_eagle** _You two need to stop waving your small-to-nonexistent dicks around here bullying innocent people! We’re here to read and write, not to argue with all sorts of self-righteous, self-entitled, tight-wearing vigilantes! Please take care of whatever issue you have behind the bathroom door, i.e. go FUCK yourselves already!_

Ludwig poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue, eyes narrowing, while next to him Feliciano was snickering. His victory had turned to utter defeat AND he’d gotten trolled by Ivan too, OF ALL FUCKING PEOPLE! Clenching his jaw, he punched the keyboard angrily.

 **silver_eagle: @kittiesandpillows17 (Admin)** _DUDE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?! Are you sleeping?! Report these fucking trolls for language right now!_

Feliciano was laughing openly now, that perfect little mouth of his stretched into a wide grin and showing pearly-white teeth, and the blond wanted nothing more than to turn, lean in and kiss him. And then strangle him.

“Quiet! I’m trying to work here, damn it!” he growled, turning sharply towards the Italian, who flinched and accidentally pushed his own books over the edge of the desk. He stood and bent over to collect them, his delectable backside clad in skin-tight black Diesel jeans coming into view.

Suddenly Ludwig had a very inappropriate idea, but someone else beat him to it.

Francis Bonnefoy, who was sitting right behind them, reached over and delivered a hearty slap to Feliciano’s bottom, cackling. Tsking and scowling, the Italian plopped back in his seat, after gracing the wavy-haired blond with a silent glare.

But an unexpected trolling opportunity had presented itself this way! Putting on as sourly serious and grumpy a face as he could, Ludwig let his own hand wander over the smooth fabric of said black Diesel jeans before giving a light, teasing squeeze (worth writing into a fic, heh).

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!”

Feliciano turned with lightning speed and his hand made loud contact with the Frenchman’s cheek.

“ _Mais_ , it wasn’t me!” Francis cried, holding his reddened visage. “I swear, _cher!_ It was-” He looked at Ludwig but he was met with such a dry, disinterested glare that he instantly deflated.

“VARGAS! BONNEFOY!” Mr. Oxenstierna barked from the front of the class. “GET OUT!”

“But I didn’t do anything!”

_“GET OUT OF MY CLASS, NOW!”_

**_To be continued_ **

Hand up if you know who **kittiesandpillows17** is and why they’re not doing anything :)))))))) Also, who do you think will be the winner? (obviously, the dirtiest fighter)

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Note:** I hope you can feel all the love I’m sending you guys! Not in my wildest dreams did I think this trollfic would be so appreciated ;)))))

* * *

 

 **little_snowflake42** didn’t have any stories posted on their profile, although it was two years old. Only some favorite stories. The bastard was in-flammable, un-trollable! Ludwig gritted his teeth, feeling a bite of disappointment. The three other trolls on duty had remained quiet on the forum for now, but they had updated their stories.

AGAIN!!!!

Just how shameless could some people be?!!

And **kittiesandpillows17** – who was a FUCKING FORUM ADMIN!!! – had not issued any warnings themselves and had most likely not reported anything either to the site administrators. Useless shit, and they had updated their profile 12 hours before, so they weren’t sleeping so deeply after all!

Everyone was against him! No, everyone was against the most elementary common sense and decency, nobody gave a damn about the rules!

Oh well, they were going to taste Hell. Ludwig had tried to be nice and reasonable until now and his kindness had been very poorly replied to, so he was officially DONE. No more Mr. Nice. He would take out the big guns and _bury_ these bastards. They must have been really proud of their growing popularity – among equally shameless, senseless people – but they were going to pay for it very, _very_ dearly. Ludwig was done trying to get them to remove their filthy creations from public display, now the consequences were going to be a lot uglier.

Oh, how he had enjoyed the heat of battle and how he would enjoy the absolute victory! And, of course, the look on little Feliciano’s face when the ground was going to be swept from under his feet (and not in a good way).

* * *

 

Obviously, Mr. Oxenstierna was once more the lucky winner of a class nobody paid any attention to, because bringing your enemies on their knees in public and where you could actually see their faces drop was absolutely worth foregoing a subject with so little relevance.

Ludwig sighed contentedly, leaning back in his seat. He could feel a certain Frenchman’s hard glare in the back of his head, but while the other was still searching through his pants for non-existent balls there was absolutely no undesired interference to worry about. He watched Elizaveta and Kiku taking their seats with serene, unsuspecting faces, he watched Feliciano rushing in, bumping into someone and knocking their snack on the floor.

He also spotted Ivan two rows in front of him and his smirk fell a little. Ivan could be a problem, the German realised, a scowl creeping onto his face at the thought. What if the bastard decided to meddle again in what clearly wasn’t any of his business?

No, no, Ivan could be a hazard, Ludwig concluded, prudently deciding to postpone operation _Hammering_ towards the end of class, so he could at least run for his life if things degenerated. Patiently, he waited, and in doing so he felt almost generous, allowing his helpless victims a few more carefree breaths before the flames of Hell would engulf them.

To the blond’s absolute and unbelievable luck, his patience was rewarded – halfway into the Swede’s hella boring speech about Reformation Ivan (probably having enough of it) picked up his bag, stood up and walked out of the classroom without a second glance at the teacher.

Perfect. Time for action.

He flipped the page of his book again cleverly concealing his phone and let his fingers run mercilessly over the keyboard.

**silver_eagle: @ninjafryingpangirl, @caramel_mafioso** _I am done with you! You’ve had your chance to make things right and you responded with contempt and obvious ill-will. Now you will face the consequences. I was very serious when I said I know who you are, Miss EH, Mr. KH and Mr. FV. I will send an e-mail to Mr. Edelstein with your names, the links to your ‘creations’ and to this forum, so he can see who his model literature students really are. Let’s see what happens to your grades and maybe you get a suspension too. Oh, and I will personally kick your sorry arses today after school, so get ready._

This was so utterly annihilating that Ludwig felt something like butterflies in his stomach from anticipation.

The first to read it this time was Feliciano, who was already wasting his time on Instagram. The shift was so palpable and obvious that he only needed to steal a glance with the corner of his eye, alerted when the petite Italian’s breath hitched loudly. All color had effectively drained from his face, rendering it sheet-white. His plump lips were parted slightly and his caramel-colored eyes wide, fixating the screen.

“Kiku! Who the fuck is this guy?!” Elizaveta hissed a few moments later, leaning over from her seat with a deep scowl.

But the Japanese had been plunged into his own personal hell, shaking hands gripping his glossy black bangs as he hunched over the desk, looking physically ill all the sudden.

_You fucking trolls, didn’t see it coming, did you?_

“I-I don’t know!” he stuttered eventually. “D-Delete! Elizaveta, DELETE EVERYTHING NOW!”

Feliciano’s head snapped up brusquely and he threw a frightened glance at the brunet, but before he could do anything else Ludwig snatched the phone from his hand.

“Wha-? Ludwig? Give me my phone back!”

“So you can delete your shit too, _caramel_mafioso_? I don’t think so!” the blond hissed, turning fully towards the culprit and giving him a cold glare. “DID I OR DID I NOT CATCH YOU?!” he added, pinching his crush’s nose between his index and middle finger and shaking hard, failing to notice that Kiku had fallen from his seat in shock.

“OWWW!” the Italian wailed, clutching his nose with both hands, curling up in his seat. “What the hell, I had a nose job! Owwwww!”

“You had a nose job my ass,” Ludwig replied dryly, turning back and proceeding to ignore him, twirling the slim device he’d captured between his fingers teasingly.

“Hey! Fuck you, Beilschmidt! You’ve got no balls!” Elizaveta hissed viciously, flipping him the finger with both hands. “Let’s see you hit a girl! YOU’VE GOT NO BALLS!”

Kiku had picked himself up in the meantime and had made himself small, at the far end of the desk. _Very_ small.

“P-Please give me my phone back…” Feliciano implored. “Please y-you can’t do this… Nonno is g-going to kill me…” His voice had become barely audible, choked by unrestrained sobs and large tears were now rolling down his cheeks, like a Madonna’s.

“Gut!”

Ludwig sighed, leaning forward on his elbows and determined to be merciless for a little longer. He’d gotten Kiku and Elizaveta already – they had probably gotten to deleting their abominations right away and that must have been enough of a blow to their creative ego, aside from the hella fright he’d given them (and they were probably going to flee the classroom at lightning speed and be on their guard for a while). But Feliciano… he had roasted the German’s own fic, so he deserved a nice roasting right back, you know, a slow burn. A little agony.

What he didn’t expect was for the Italian to suddenly lunge forward and try to tickle slash wrestle him into giving up his phone.

“Beilschmidt, give me my phone back, damn it! Give it back or I’ll tell Mr. Oxenstierna!”

“Please do! Let’s show Mr. Oxenstierna what kind of stuff you have in it!” the blond hissed, barely trying to hold back a giggle as the Italian’s hands were searching for an opening to his stomach.

“ _Mon Dieu_ , would you two just stop frolicking already and get a room? There’s so much sexual tension… ohonhonhonhon!”

“Nobody fucking asked _you_ anything!” Feliciano snapped, red in the face from crying and effort, finally sending an elbow up and sideways and catching the German right in the nose. Ludwig gasped, nearly losing possession of the precious device, but he was really enjoying himself. At least until he noticed the teacher’s cold glare fixed on them.

There was a moment of ominous silence and then “BEILSCHMIDT! VARGAS! GET OUT OF MY CLASS!”

The conflict came to a momentary halt as they both hurried to gather their stuff and make themselves scarce. But once out of the room Ludwig sprinted down the hall, leaving the petite Italian in the dust.

“Well, if we ‘no speak americano’ and we ‘no run laps’, this is what happens…” the blond chuckled, stopping just before the corner and wiggling the phone teasingly towards his pursuer, who was already panting hard. He grinned, intend on disappearing, but as soon as he rounded the corner the German suddenly slammed into something, no, _someone_ , the impact so powerful that it sent him down on the floor on his rump (because karma is _a_ bitch).

The respective someone being none other than Ivan.

Ludwig stared, refusing to believe that _such a shit_   was actually happening, and so dazed that he barely registered his crush coming up behind him and plucking the phone right off his hand. The Russian observed them both calmly, a secret joy making the corners of his lips twitch ever so slightly.

“So… you two troll me on the forum. You remember what I promised, da?”

Ludwig scrambled backwards and got back on his feet, a cold shudder running down his spine but still determined to put up a fight if it came to it, while the Italian made a move as if to grip his arm and cower behind him, one hand pressed tightly against his heaving chest.

Only instead of that he suddenly sank to his knees, bag dropping aside from limp hands as he did so, then proceeded to collapse entirely on the ground in a tragic fashion, #totaldrama.

“Looks like he logged off,” Ivan observed, amused. Then he simply breezed past them and walked away, no doubt pleased at the unexpected impact obtained effortlessly. The German sighed, shaking his head in annoyance. _Really?!_

“Come on, Vargas,” he grumbled. “He left, you can get up now…”

But Feliciano did not stir, not even when the blond turned him over and slapped his cheek. He looked really pale too now. Damn it, he wasn’t… really sick or something, was he? Eventually, Ludwig had no choice but to haul him up in his arms bridal style (!) and carry him to the nurse’s office. As he did so, doubt and worry began to gnaw at him. Maybe he’d gone overboard and this had been a really bad joke…

* * *

 

“Awwww, sweetie, what happened?” the nurse cooed. “Lay him down on the bed, carefully.”

The blond did so and plopped tiredly on the stool next to the bed, sighing, while the white-clad woman dug through a cabinet. She came back with a small recipient of sorts, removing its lid and placing it under Feliciano’s nose. The Italian jerked awake, moaning and gripping his forehead.

“Darn, you look exhausted, sweetie,” the nurse said, brushing her knuckles against colorless, tearstained cheeks. “Did he get upset?” she asked Ludwig, who mumbled something under his breath.

“Is he alright?” he asked instead.

The woman put the recipient aside, then took Feliciano’s pulse. “Hmm, normal. How do you feel? Does anything hurt?”

“…mmm m-my head… A-And I’m so tired…” the Italian murmured, eyes closing again. “I-I didn’t get much sleep last night..”

“ _Maybe_ because you stayed up late writing _shit_!” Ludwig hissed in his ear, but his mood had mellowed significantly. He got a pained, pitiful groan in reply.

“It’s okay, sweetie, that’s probably it,” the nurse pointed with a motherly smile. “You should just rest for a bit, take a little nap.” She turned to the German. “Can you watch him for me, sweetie? I need to step out for a bit.”

“Um..”

“Stay,” Feliciano whispered, weakly reaching for his hand. As the nurse shuffled away, he cracked an eye open, then quickly closing it. Ludwig didn’t catch it though, staring at their now touching hands, butterflies in his stomach all the sudden. At first only the tips of their fingers brushed against one another, then slowly they ended up intertwined.  

“I got you good, didn’t I? Gave you a scare,” the German said with a smile, but his voice was soft.

“I-I’m sorry,” the smaller boy said, sniffing and his eyebrows furrowing in a pained, utterly vulnerable expression. “P-Please don’t-”

Ludwig sighed, giving in. “I won’t do anything, I wasn’t going to anyway.” He reached out and cupped the other’s cheek with his free hand, nearly flinching in surprise when the Italian leaned into it a little, eyes closed and looking like the living picture of innocence. “I guess it was a bit of a bad joke. I’m sorry too…”

“I’ll delete everything, I promise,” Feliciano murmured repentantly, but inwardly he smiled. He’d just make another profile.

**THE END**

#sappy #trolledrightuntiltheend


End file.
